Game plan

The other day I stumbled across some pictures of myself from a few (okay, several) years ago, and I looked FABULOUS. (How come I didn't know this at the time?)

I would like to get back to looking FABULOUS, so I have been evaluating my life from that time period for clues to how I can do it again. Here are the ideas I've come up with so far:

1. Eat 6 desserts a day.

2. Be 19.

3. Have a crush on every boy you see.

4. Don't be pregnant.

5. Never sleep.

Number 4 will be taken care of in 3 months, and number 5 will be a necessary consequence thereof. I don't think Seth would be on board with number 3 (though maybe I should check with him to make sure), and number 2 is impossible.

So that leaves me with a 1-point task list for the new year. I think I am up for the challenge!

There may have been some additional points I'm ignoring, like the fact that I went running a lot and played racquetball with Colette and took dance classes. But those are negligible details.

Something I do almost every night:

Knock over my cup of water

(which I keep on my bedside table)

(which is made of crates)

(in which I store Seth's T-shirts).

I'm not sure I'm getting through to them.

I teach the 3-to-4-year-olds at church, and today the lesson was "I can be kind to animals." I taught them many great and marvelous things concerning why we should be kind and what being kind means. There was a story about a kid who decided not to shoot birds with his slingshot because he remembered that God loves all the animals. It was all very meaningful.

Then we went outside to see if we could see any animals. They were scarce in the landscaping around the church today, but we did see an ant. I was like, "Yeah! An animal!" And then one of my students ran up and stomped it to death. On purpose.

Dang it.

aw crap

I just realized I'm wearing purple and green today. Do you know who else wears purple and green (every day)?

BARNEY.

And I'm not even hanging out with my brother Matthew, who LOVES Barney and so would appreciate it.

checkmeouti'mthebest

I just found an entry with this title saved in my blog drafts. It has no text! I'm so disappointed. I want to know why I'm the best.

oh, the agony!

I am SO GLAD my job is not Radio Talk Show Host! Because almost every day, your theme music comes on (signalling a commercial/station identification break) and your guest or caller is STILL TALKING! And you have about 10 seconds where it's still okay for them to be talking, but then time runs out!

So you just sit on the edge of your seat, wondering if they're going to wrap up by themselves or if you're going to have to cut them off in the middle of a sentence! And you're thinking, Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease wrap up! And your breath gets a little shallower! And your palms are sweating! And little panicky noises start to escape your lips!

Don't worry, Hosts. I'm right there with you, feeling your pain as I'm listening.

And then everything works out okay in the end.

Maybe the professionals have better coping mechanisms than I do.