Why I Hate "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"

Jeff Foxworthy: What is the highest 2-digit even number?
Rabbi: (looks serious.) Well, 99 is the highest 2-digit number, but it's odd, so if you go one step down, that's 98. So I'm going to lock in 98.
Jeff Foxworthy: The answer is 98! You make this look so easy!

Do you need another reason?

Jeff Foxworthy: What would you do with $25,000?
Rabbi: Well, I would buy a hybrid car, and take my family on a trip to Israel, and then maybe give a little back to the synagogue.

Taxes: $6,250.
Hybrid car: $20,000
Trip for 4 to Israel: $12,000
Total: $38,250

Amount left to to give back to the synagogue: -$13,250.

Thanks, rabbi.

Moles

From The Nice and the Good, by Iris Murdoch:

"A velvety brown mole on one cheek gave him a curious air of prettiness."

Really! Does the outside of my left knee have a curious air of prettiness as well, Iris?

Finishing a Conversation with a Man Named Ed

Me: Goodbye, El.
Ed: Goodbye.

mmm...bye.

I was just talking on the phone with some guy, and he's one of those that closes conversations with, "mmmm, bye."

So he started going into the "mmmm" but I wasn't done with my pleasantries. So I threw in some things like "thanks very much" and "I'll wait for that email" and "take care," and all the while he just kept "mmmm"-ing.

So it was like "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bye."

A small sample of a cooking show on public television

"Now we are going to add some Crème fraîche, which means fresh cream."

Crème fraîche: pronounced "Crem Fresh."

"Crem Fresh": means "Fresh Cream."

well! obviously!

Please Consider the Environment Before Leaving the Hair Thing that You Dropped on the Ground Right Where It Is

Monday I came back to work from lunch and saw a hair thing (hair elastic? hair circle?) on the sidewalk. I thought it looked like one I might wear. Then I realized it probably was mine. The day before I had looped a hair thing that looked just like that through a ring on my purse, and 24 hours was just about the amount of time it should have taken to come loose. Plus it was not on my purse anymore.

But I didn't want to bend down and look like a bum off the street who needed a free hair thing, so I kept walking.

It was still there when I went home that night. and when I came back the next morning. and when I went to lunch that day. and when I came back from lunch that day. and when I arrived this morning. and when I went to lunch today. and when I came back from lunch that day.

Why hasn't the wind blown this thing away?

MAYBE I will consider picking it up if it's still there tomorrow. MAYBE.



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UPDATE: On Friday, December 5th, I picked up the hair thing.

Some Kids I Know

1. The No-Pants Kid. One day in church, I was making eyes at an adorable little boy wearing a collared shirt, a tie and a vest. He was smiling at me from the other side of the bench, and I could only see his oh-so-professional top half. Then his mom lifted him up, and WOW, no pants.

2. The Thumb Baby. He looks like a thumb. Seth loves that kid, I think he's hideous. But in a cute way.

3. The Spider Baby. Those arms and legs! So eerily long!