The reason we do not use the toilet in the master bathroom very often:

It rocks.

Sniff, sniff

Here is a song that my sister, my cousin, and I wrote on the last day of one of our semi-annual week-long get-togethers:

Even though we're far apart

We're still together in our hearts.

Even when we're miles away

We think of cousins every day.

A cousin will be your friend forever!

Despite the fact we seldom get together!

And though we seldom ever sleep

We'll have memories to keep

Forever....

This was sung with very earnest, sad looks in our eyes in an effort to manipulate our parents into letting us stay some extra days.

I am thinking one of us must have had "seldom" as a vocabulary word in the near past.

My sister once insisted to me (hurting my pride and my feelings at the time) that she had been the creative genius behind most if not all of that song. From the distance at which I sit now, I am fully ready to hand over all credit to her, even if she doesn't want it anymore.

This memory also includes the sight of our parents crying a little as they watched us sing. But there's no way that's an accurate memory. I'm a parent now, so I know that if my kid pulled a stunt like this, I would snort him out of the family.

A First Kiss Story

I went to a Relief Society dinner this week, and we did that game where you have to answer questions based on the color of M&Ms you have in your pile. A girl across the table from me was responding to the prompt "Tell us about your first kiss."

She prefaced her response by saying, "Well, this isn't about a first kiss, but I want to tell it anyway."

Then she started talking about how she used to work with an 80-year-old man at a drug store.

I decided to be really hilarious, so I said, "Wait, this is about a FIRST KISS??" I know. My hilarity knows no bounds. Kissing an 80-year-old man? Obviously not where the story was going, but SUCH a creative joke, right?

The girl laughed and said no and continued with her story and ten seconds later was interrupted by another girl who hadn't heard my hilarious joke. She said, "Wait, this is about a FIRST KISS??"

Whoops.

So the story teller said no again and then continued with her story, which ended like this:

"On my last day of work, he asked if he could have a goodbye kiss. I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, but at the last second he turned his head and KISSED ME ON THE LIPS!!!"

Woah there and ew! Didn't see that one coming.

This is what a plate of chocolate chip cookies looks like after I have had my way with it:

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A word I need to incorporate into my vocabulary:

Heroically!

As in, "The proposal was HEROICALLY unpopular."

Right?

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Ew.

I went looking for this toy* and found it in Jonah's room.

Then I walked into the kitchen, toy in hand, and looked down in Jonah's bouncer. To my horror, there was the toy again.

I cannot explain this.

It reminds me of the time I went to church and looked up to see a lady I know, and sitting right next to her was... herself. There were two of her.** I got the chills and almost threw up.

*I use the word "toy" loosely--this particular "toy" does not provide any "fun times." Borrring.

**Twins! Which is always creepy, but more creepy when they are 50 years old and still have the same haircut and glasses and you didn't know the other one existed.

A few items of business

1. I have gotten so used to talking to someone (hint: a baby) who doesn't talk back that the other day I found myself explaining to a spider in a very nice voice why he had to die.

2. Seth, would you like to name our next child Hosni?

3. Yesterday as I walked past our neighbors' side yard, their mean dog screamed at me and body slammed the fence as usual, only this time he managed to accomplish his goal, which was to knock over the fence. Okay, not the whole fence. Just a board. He was stunned for a second, then he resumed screaming and body slamming and trying to squeeze through the gap so he could kill me. Get a life, man.

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