Wednesday, September 23, 2009

stay away

In case you were thinking of becoming a fan of ABC's new show The Forgotten, I have some advice: Don't.

I watched it last night. And in addition to being completely ridiculous throughout (I could go on and on about the ridiculous elements but I won't), here is how it ended:

The team of volunteers who discovered the Jane Doe's identity (by thinking, HEY, maybe that strange tattoo she has is a pitchfork from a BLUE DEVIL, which could be her high school mascot! because people get tattoos of their high school mascots all the time. especially goth girls.) walk solemnly, in flying V formation, out of the cemetery after being tearfully thanked by Jane's mother.

Voice over from the dead girl:

"My name is Tracy Braxley, and these are the people who gave it back to me."

Pan out. Surge of inspirational music.

I see you're convinced. Excellent.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Oh, that giant bruise on my leg?

That's just from the time last week I was playing racquetball and I went to hit the ball but instead smashed myself in the shin with my racket.

Friday, September 18, 2009

finding closure

I just wanted you all to know that I just finished writing a profile for some nurses, and the last word in the story is "closure."

I think people will get to that last word at the very end and say, "Wow. Thank you, Dani. I feel closed after reading this story."

That's my goal.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

This is what I want the most:

A really big night shirt. Maybe with a picture of a wolf on it.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

an awkward conversation (not mine, for once!)

Coworker 1: Do you happen to have contact info for [some guy]?
Coworker 2: No, I haven't talked to him. Why?
Coworker 1: What's that?
Coworker 2: What's that?
Coworker 1: Ummm.... so you don't have it?
Coworker 2: No.

An experiment that blew up in my face

Animals often have adjectives (like Snowy) for names, and sometimes nouns (like Spot), BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ADVERBS? and also the verbs. but adverbs are a little bit more fun.

This is something that's been bothering me for a little while, so when I got two new fish yesterday, I was ready to take the plunge and go for an adverb. (But only for one of them.)

(The pink one will be named Caitlyn T., after the legendary little girl my brother Matt had a crush on in kindergarten. That was the last time he ever mentioned girls. Quick learner.)

So at bedtime last night Seth and I were lying there, suggesting adverbs (Absolutely! Financially! Imaginatively! Pretentiously! Enthusiastically! Desperately!). After 5 or so minutes of this, Seth said, "How-bout-you-be-quiet-so-I-can-fall-asleep-ly!"

I decided to teach him the "Here's how awful and boring it is when your wife isn't entertaining you with stimulating conversation before bed" lesson. I shut my mouth, vowing to keep it closed until Seth realized what a big mistake he had made and came crawling back, begging me to talk.

I waited.

And waited.

He didn't even notice! He just fell asleep!


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Watch out. This is deep.

When I was little, I read a few books from a series about a group of gymnasts. Kind of like Babysitters Club, minus babysitting, plus gymnastics.

There was this one part, when they were all just starting out in gymnastics, when everyone put chalk on their hands and jumped as high as they could and put a hand print on the wall. there was this one girl, the central character for that book, who couldn't jump as high as everyone else. She was, understandably, bummed about this.

BUT THEN, her coach pointed out that even though her handprint was not as high as everyone else's, it was the darkest one! because she hit the wall with the most power!

Then she felt good on the inside.

Short people, take note.

(But whatever. I can jump higher than you can. If you're short.)