Thursday, March 14, 2013


I've decided to start blogging again.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The End

I realized a person or two may still be checking my page to see if I've updated, so here is a helpful notice: I don't think I'll post anymore. I've lost interest. But thank you for reading. You're great. I'll probably be back someday, some year. I'll let you know. I'm sure you're my facebook friend, so I'll let you know there. Until then, farewell.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pie Heaven

Last night, instead of working out, I participated in a pie eating contest.

Here is my question for you, Universe:

I ate that pie faster than any living thing has ever been known to eat pie. So how come I didn't win?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I have something to say about Encyclopedia Brown

First of all, he's the smartest kid in town. I'm not arguing with that. But there is one case of his that I always think back on with a little bit of doubt.

There was a contest of smarts going on, and it was down to the final two contestants. Each would get a prize. One of the contestants was the son of a man who kept books for a living. Anyways, the last question was: "Name a word that has three sets of double letters in a row." One kid came up with a word and won first prize, but the aforementioned son of the accountant got it wrong and earned second prize.

After the prizes were awarded, they discovered that the first place prize was broken. It was up to Encyclopedia to discover who had broken it. But guess what. He already knew. You flip to the back of the book and Encyclopedia tells you: The second place guy did it, of course. He was the son of an accountant, so there was no way he didn't know an answer to the final question: BOOKKEEPER. So he obviously threw the competition in order to avoid winning the first place prize, which he had to have known was broken.


I think that would be pretty easy to miss.

But still. Kudos to you, Encyclopedia, for realizing that if George Washington had REALLY stabbed a tree with his sword and left it there for hundreds of years, the sword would have grown with the tree and been out of reach. And for knowing that if a kid had really abandoned his telescope in the middle of examining the sun, three hours later the telescope would have to be aimed at a spot in the sky where the sun no longer was.

I still think of you as the best boy detective around.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The shopping question I hate most:

"Did you find everything you were looking for?"

I wish they wouldn't ask that. The answer is too often no, and where does the conversation go after that?

"Did you find everything you were looking for?"
"No, you didn't have queen-sized purple cotton bed sheets."
[or "No, you didn't have black stretch pants for a baby boy."]
[or "No, you didn't have deodorant that smells like cookies."]
[or "No, you didn't have a painting of downtown Boise done in the style of Ernst Ludwig Kirchner."]
[or "No, you didn't have reasonably priced gouda cheese."]
"Oh. Yeah. We don't have that."

Did either of us get anything out of that exchange? I certainly did not. So I usually answer the question like this:


But then I feel a little bit resentful because they put me in a position where I had to lie.

The shopping question I hate least:

"Would it be all right if we gave you all this stuff for free?"

Friday, September 23, 2011

A great day

1. I signed my name as "Dr. Gee" on the receipt at Dr. Gee's office.
2. I accidentally lost said receipt before I could hand it back to the billing lady.
3. I locked my keys, phone, and burp rags in the car and had to wait for the locksmith (after borrowing a smart phone from a stranger) with a barf-covered baby.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


When the waiter came to check on us at dinner the other night, he found that I had eaten every single bite of my four gigantic blueberry pancakes as well as my two eggs and two bacons.

He said,

"Oh! You ate it all!"

I said,

He tried to recover by saying,

"That's awesome."

But did he really think it was awesome? I didn't really think it was awesome. I thought it was horrific.

Here's the thing: I love pancakes. If I'm going to eat pancakes, I'm REALLY going to eat pancakes. I think, in general, I eat like a man.

Here's the other thing: Parks and Recreation had a disappointingly not funny first season, but then after that, it started to get amazing. I figured this out when I was out of stuff to watch on Netflix. There's this one part when Andy and his band are playing for the senior citizens and no one is cheering or flashing them so he can't tell if they're doing okay. His bandmate says "Maybe you should try singing like Louis Armstrong." Andy says, "Maybe, yeah." Then he adds, "Here's the thing, though: Who is that?"

So.... now I have this one phrase that I find myself plopping into every single conversation I have. Plop.