Friday, January 23, 2009

Here is a blog post about a fart.

Yesterday, when I was out for a "beer" with my coworkers, I felt the bench--which hosted the rear end of a dignified coworker and of me--vibrate. I thought, perhaps that was a phone, but perhaps it was a fart.

The vibration stopped and then started again.

By the third vibration I was pretty sure it was a phone, which reasoning was confirmed when my dignified coworker pulled out his iphone.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Speaking of grocery store checkers

There's this one at WinCo who always says "thank YOU!"

Like, even if I don't say the first thank you.

My Purchases

I wonder if the checkout lady at Albertsons was judging me as she scanned my Chex Mix, beef jerky, Milk Duds and Cadbury Egg today.

Maybe she thought I was going on a road trip. Such purchases are appropriate for road trips.

I wasn't, but it's not like I was going to eat them all at once! And the Cadbury Egg wasn't even for me! I don't even like Cadbury Eggs!

Okay. You're right. If she was judging me, she was justified. Those were awful purchases. Awful.

If I can hope the grocery store checker is judging me on the good days, as she scans in all my produce and dairy and fresh meat and oats or whatever and as I present my canvas bags for her approval, then I should accept the judging on the beef jerky days.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

complicated relationship

I have some second cousins that I became close to while living in Provo. Here is a discussion reported to me by their mother around the time I got married:

8-year-old second cousin: Mom, if Dani has a baby, will that make me an uncle?

His mom: (some sort of response, essentially conveying the message of "no.")

5-year-old second cousin: MOM, IF DANI HAS A BABY, WILL THAT MAKE ME A FATHER??

Hopefully, at that point, his mom gave him a basic explanation of how family relationships work. Maybe not to the level of "second cousins once removed," but you know. Some level.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Friday, January 9, 2009

Just to be clear

It was not my fault that the soft serve ice cream cone collapsed on my shirt at the hockey game. It was far too soft. it was gone after the gentlest touch of my mouth.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What I Thought as I Stuck My Key into the Wrong 2001 Silver Honda Accord with a Green Parking Permit Hanging from the Rearview Mirror


I'd vote for him*

Representative Woods: Hi, this is Representative Woods. How are you?
Me: I'm great, how are you?
Representative Woods: I'm doing well. How are you?
Me: Wonderful.

*But really. He's great.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Summary of my 24th Birthday

The waiter kept calling me "Miss." It made me think, why don't we call people Ms.? Like, "here's your bread, mzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

I bought a fish-shaped ornament for my new fish tank. bubbles come out of its mouth. I wonder if it will remind the fish of their own mortality and eventual fossilization.

I beat Seth twice at Blokus. Take that, SORRY Champion of the World.

I went back to work after 12 days off and remembered why my ideal career would be Independently Wealthy.