Mistakes I have made

1. Buying fat free chicken broth.

2. Buying "lite" maple syrup.

Live and learn.

In the nude

Sometimes I picture my baby in my womb, and those are the times when it really comes home to me that he is completely naked in there.

Voting for one

Today when I showed up at my voting place, a lady saw my enlarged middle and was like, "Voting for two, huh?" I smiled but didn't know what to say except "yes."

Then I went to the next table to collect my ballot, and the guy giving them out was like, "Here are two ballots for you."

I thought, Wow, same joke twice?

I said, "Oh, he's not old enough."

Ballot Man's face said, Who is this crazy lady and what is she talking about?

His mouth said, "What?"

I said, "Um. Never mind." And I blushed.

Turns out you get one ballot for constitutional amendments and one ballot for political offices. Two ballots.

So much for trying to function normally in the world!

Epilogue:

Then I came home and saw I had driven away from my house without bothering to close the garage door. Welcome, thieves and murderers!