Tea

I'm drinking tea with Splenda.

I'm not sure why. It's not very good (tea in general, not just tea with Splenda).

I think I was hoping for some insta-happiness, like this lady is obviously experiencing:



It did not happen. I feel about the same as I did before, but this time with tea in my belly.

SHOCKING INFORMATION

I LEARNED TODAY THAT TV REPORTERS MAKE EVEN LESS THAN PRINT REPORTERS STARTING OUT! HERE IN IDAHO, STARTING SALARY FOR A LOCAL TV REPORTER IS $17,000! $17,000!!! THIS IS PER YEAR! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I THOUGHT THIS ENTRY WAS WORTH ALL CAPS. I HOPE YOU AGREE.

so much for last-minute cramming

Yesterday I spent an hour listening to this song in preparation for a high-stakes game of Trivial Pursuit. Then I also listened to this one for good measure. (In case you don't want to click on the links, the first is a BYU professor singing all the U.S. presidents' last names to the tune of Yankee Doodle a capella, and the second is a professional choir and orchestra commissioned by the White House singing about each president and one noteworthy fact about each.)


Here are the questions I was prepared to answer:

-who was the largest U.S. president?
-how were the two Roosevelts related?
-who came after Lincoln?
-who are the 10 most recent U.S. presidents, in order?
-who served two terms separated by another president?
-who is Dani's favorite president?
-whose grandfather also served as president?

and a multitude of other questions.

Guess how many times this new knowledge came in handy.

The correct answer is NONE. NOT EVEN ONCE.

If only one of these songs had contained the ever-so-important information that Monica Lewinsky once called Domino's from the White House to complain that her meat lovers pizza wasn't meaty enough. THEN I would have been SET.

For next time: Is there a song to memorize that covers everything that ever happened in sports?

Might as well be No. 1

Seth made a goal this week to never get angry.

But tonight, we were playing Yahtzee, and I made fun of the PASSIONATE way he shook the dice and he acted like he didn't love me. MEAN.

I also have a goal this week, and today I met that goal. So I did something extremely hilarious: I went to the whiteboard and wrote Dani: 1, Seth: -62 (on account of the Yahtzee anger incident).

SO FUNNY, right?

I know.

I suspected I might be the funniest wife in the world, so I asked Seth if that was true. He said.... No.

BUT, here's the good news. Seth declared me.... MAYBE IN THE TOP 25,000!!

That is SUCH a good score. There are so many wives around! Waaaaaaayy more than 25,000. I'm going to sleep well tonight.

Here is a notice displayed near the nutrition facts on my gigantic jar of almonds:

CONTAINS ALMOND.

Names have been changed to protect The Guilty (but The Guilty is still a valuable person)

This is a story about a person I've known for a long time. Let's call her... Tatu.

Several years ago, we were visiting our local Target. We spent an hour or two exploring the many wonders that Target has to offer, then made our purchases and left.

In the parking lot, Tatu abruptly stopped walking. She stared down at her feet.

"Oh my gosh!" she said.

I followed her gaze. Her flip flops were on the wrong feet.


Note: These are not Tatu's actual feet. This is just an illustration.

She'd just spent an hour or two walking around in public without noticing the extreme awkwardness inherent in oppositely placed footwear.

Another note: Tatu is a grown up.

After we got over a moment of paralysis, we laughed uproariously.

Fast forward to present day.

This weekend, Tatu came to visit me. She drove in on Wednesday after a five-hour car trip from a place we'll call Dend, Poregon. She arrived wearing a jogging/traveling suit that had black pants and a navy jacket.

On Saturday evening, as she was preparing to take off for Dend again, she put on the same jogging/traveling suit.

In the parking lot, Tatu abruptly stopped walking. She stared down at her jogging/traveling suit.

"Oh my gosh!" she said.

I followed her gaze.

I didn't notice anything unusual.

"What?" I said.

"My pants and jacket are different colors!"

"Yes, they are. So?"

"Did I accidentally steal your jacket?"

"No, it's yours. It's the same one you came in, I think."

"What??? I thought I was matching!"

We laugh.

"Dani, can you believe that I was wearing this all that time and I didn't notice that my pants and jacket were two different colors?"

I think back to the flip flops and many other instances of similar behavior.

Yes, Tatu. Yes, I can.