Just another episode in the Adventures of Supermom

Jonah had his 4-month check-up the other day, and as I was carrying my naked baby to the scale*, the nurse started laughing and pulled a Snickers wrapper off his back.

At least there wasn't chocolate smeared on his face.

I just remembered that this is the same nurse who pointed out my jacket still had a tag on it a couple months ago. She must be SO IMPRESSED with me as a person. I'll have to think of something to do next time to continue her good impression: Mismatched shoes? Walking into glass doors? Poop on Jonah's face? Poop on MY face?

*The results of the weighing and measuring: Very tall, kinda skinny, SMALL HEAD, skullet.

An interview with Dani Grigg

Q: What name did Seth call you last night?

A: Sheetmaster.

Q: Why did he call you that?

A: Because I can fold fitted sheets like a pro.

Q: How did you learn how to do that?

A: YouTube.

Q: What was the other reason he called you that?

A: He was trying to butter me up so he wouldn't have to fold the sheet himself.

Q: Did it work?

A: Yes.

The reason we do not use the toilet in the master bathroom very often:

It rocks.

Sniff, sniff

Here is a song that my sister, my cousin, and I wrote on the last day of one of our semi-annual week-long get-togethers:

Even though we're far apart

We're still together in our hearts.

Even when we're miles away

We think of cousins every day.

A cousin will be your friend forever!

Despite the fact we seldom get together!

And though we seldom ever sleep

We'll have memories to keep

Forever....

This was sung with very earnest, sad looks in our eyes in an effort to manipulate our parents into letting us stay some extra days.

I am thinking one of us must have had "seldom" as a vocabulary word in the near past.

My sister once insisted to me (hurting my pride and my feelings at the time) that she had been the creative genius behind most if not all of that song. From the distance at which I sit now, I am fully ready to hand over all credit to her, even if she doesn't want it anymore.

This memory also includes the sight of our parents crying a little as they watched us sing. But there's no way that's an accurate memory. I'm a parent now, so I know that if my kid pulled a stunt like this, I would snort him out of the family.

A First Kiss Story

I went to a Relief Society dinner this week, and we did that game where you have to answer questions based on the color of M&Ms you have in your pile. A girl across the table from me was responding to the prompt "Tell us about your first kiss."

She prefaced her response by saying, "Well, this isn't about a first kiss, but I want to tell it anyway."

Then she started talking about how she used to work with an 80-year-old man at a drug store.

I decided to be really hilarious, so I said, "Wait, this is about a FIRST KISS??" I know. My hilarity knows no bounds. Kissing an 80-year-old man? Obviously not where the story was going, but SUCH a creative joke, right?

The girl laughed and said no and continued with her story and ten seconds later was interrupted by another girl who hadn't heard my hilarious joke. She said, "Wait, this is about a FIRST KISS??"

Whoops.

So the story teller said no again and then continued with her story, which ended like this:

"On my last day of work, he asked if he could have a goodbye kiss. I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, but at the last second he turned his head and KISSED ME ON THE LIPS!!!"

Woah there and ew! Didn't see that one coming.

This is what a plate of chocolate chip cookies looks like after I have had my way with it:

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A word I need to incorporate into my vocabulary:

Heroically!

As in, "The proposal was HEROICALLY unpopular."

Right?

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