Fashion alert

My pants are sticking to my wool socks and I LOOK TOTALLY STUPID.

What I did while I waited for the bus this morning

I made up a song (more like a rap) whose lyrics were:

2-11-50. 0 0 647. 1. 5. 1. 8.

I'll rap it for you sometime, if you ask. And I'll also rap it in my head, while tapping my foot, the next time the public library's website asks me for my library card number. Cuz that's what it is.

There was this one time...

...when my neighbor and I planned to put on a show centered around Mariah Carey's Daydream album.



The plan was: we'd play the CD. One of us would pretend to hold a microphone and sing along. The other would dance her little heart out, using the stairs liberally as a prop.

We'd do this for each of the 12 songs on the album.

Our parents would watch each number with delight. The best-spent hour of their lives.

But then I realized that there were some flaws in our plan:

1. Our dancing wasn't that good.
2. Neither was our singing.
3. Nobody would be interested in our ill-rehearsed show.

So I called it off.

My neighbor's name was Michelle Farmer, but we secretly called her Michelle Fahma because her parents were from England and that was how they said their last name. After my dad met Mr. Farmer, he reported this conversation to us:

Mr. Farmer: "I'm ____ Fahma." [I don't remember his first name. I was 9ish.]
My dad: "Fahma?"
Mr. Farmer: "No, FAHMA."
My dad: "Fahma?"

I wish there were a punctuation mark between "!" and "."

Maybe it would look a little something like this:









.

Then when someone sends me an email that says "I'll see what I can do" in response to a no-big-deal request, I could reply without seeming overly excited or overly ungrateful.

I could be like, "Thank you " instead of "Thank you!" or "Thank you."

You see how much better that is?

Tea

I'm drinking tea with Splenda.

I'm not sure why. It's not very good (tea in general, not just tea with Splenda).

I think I was hoping for some insta-happiness, like this lady is obviously experiencing:



It did not happen. I feel about the same as I did before, but this time with tea in my belly.

SHOCKING INFORMATION

I LEARNED TODAY THAT TV REPORTERS MAKE EVEN LESS THAN PRINT REPORTERS STARTING OUT! HERE IN IDAHO, STARTING SALARY FOR A LOCAL TV REPORTER IS $17,000! $17,000!!! THIS IS PER YEAR! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I THOUGHT THIS ENTRY WAS WORTH ALL CAPS. I HOPE YOU AGREE.

so much for last-minute cramming

Yesterday I spent an hour listening to this song in preparation for a high-stakes game of Trivial Pursuit. Then I also listened to this one for good measure. (In case you don't want to click on the links, the first is a BYU professor singing all the U.S. presidents' last names to the tune of Yankee Doodle a capella, and the second is a professional choir and orchestra commissioned by the White House singing about each president and one noteworthy fact about each.)


Here are the questions I was prepared to answer:

-who was the largest U.S. president?
-how were the two Roosevelts related?
-who came after Lincoln?
-who are the 10 most recent U.S. presidents, in order?
-who served two terms separated by another president?
-who is Dani's favorite president?
-whose grandfather also served as president?

and a multitude of other questions.

Guess how many times this new knowledge came in handy.

The correct answer is NONE. NOT EVEN ONCE.

If only one of these songs had contained the ever-so-important information that Monica Lewinsky once called Domino's from the White House to complain that her meat lovers pizza wasn't meaty enough. THEN I would have been SET.

For next time: Is there a song to memorize that covers everything that ever happened in sports?