The "First Vision" Hustle

Tonight we stopped by an LDS dance festival--which means thousands of Mormon 12-to-18-year-olds were decked out in sparkly costumes doing the cha cha, salsa, cotton-eyed joe, etc., for a crowd of pleased parents and bored siblings. And me and Seth and two of Seth's little brothers. We all filled up the Boise State University basketball arena. Impressive.

It was all pretty straightforward until they announced a group to perform The Hustle, which the announcer explained was a form of dance popularized in the film Saturday Night Fever with John Travolta.


So I sat back ready for some disco amazingness.

Then over the loudspeakers came the voice of a young man, saying:

"I was born in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and five, on the twenty-third day of December, in the town of Sharon, Windsor county, State of Vermont."

I thought that was weird, but I was ready to accept that soon it would break into a groovy dance mix. The kids began filing onto the basketball court/stage.

Then the young man in the recording said something that sounded familiar.

"There was in the place where we lived an unusual excitement on the subject of religion."

I wasn't quite prepared to place it. I glanced at Seth, startled.

The young man said a few more things, my mind reeling. Then, as music came on beneath the words, the voice said:

"While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

There was no denying it at that point. They were going to dance the Hustle to a song about The First Vision. (If you're not LDS and don't know what that is, click here.)

Oh. No.

And then they did.

Kay, it wasn't as bad as I imagined. They didn't do the John Travolta hustle, or the one my mom taught me from her cheerleader days. It was a slow, smooth hustle with partners. And the song was fine.

But still. THEY DID THE "FIRST VISION" HUSTLE.

It took my breath away. I tried not to offend any parents with my laughter.