A Name No One Would Mistake for a Boy's Name

Missy.

Some Things I Like About My Job

1. Having plenty of Post-Its.
2. Adding contacts to my Outlook account.
3. Adding new folders to my alphabetized hanging file system.

Another Really Good Idea

Have you ever thought of naming your child Goliath? I bet he wouldn't have to go by "Goliath L." or "Goliath R." or whatever.

Also, consider Lucifer. Or Safari.

Alfred Souza says:

"For a long, long time it had seemed to me that I was about to begin real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

Crap. I'm already in real life?

A Really Good Idea

When a friend told me she was getting married in the winter, I told her that instead of a wedding cake, she should have a really extravagant GINGERBREAD HOUSE/CASTLE. 

She thought I was joking. Or at least she pretended to think so. But this was over a year ago and I am still taken with my idea. I think I might take up the art of gingerstuff-making when I retire from my current career. 

Sorry! Scorecard

Seth: 5. Dani: 2.

WHY?

Christmas

I'm having the hardest time thinking of what to get Seth for Christmas. He is The Boy Who Wants Nothing, aka The Boy Who Only Wants a $10,000 Big Screen TV.

My second cousin posted this blog, which suggests going for "something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need."

So, keeping in mind our budget, I came up with this list:

Something to wear: a busted tee ($20).
Something to read: a book (undecided) ($20).
Something you want: beef jerky ($10).
Something you need: underwear, obviously ($10).

That adds up to $60. Since we're rich*, I would like to get him something more momentous. But not as momentous as the TV. So I'm a little bit stuck.

Any suggestions?

---
*I am a junior reporter for a small newspaper in Boise, Idaho--is there anything more lucrative than that?

The Big Day

Today is The Big Day when I get to go meet a local celebrity: Ms. Michelle Edmonds of Today's Channel 6 News. She won a philanthropy award that my newspaper gives out and I'm writing her profile.

I am wearing nylons for the occasion.

But I am still feeling a little intimidated. She's on TV! Every day! She's right up there with local meteorologist Larry Gebert, who, I was surprised to hear from a reliable source, is a jerk. But here is a quote from his web page: "(Larry) invites you to download a photo of him water skiing at Lucky Peak Reservoir to use as "Windows" wallpaper." and then there is a link to a photo of him water skiing at Lucky Peak Reservoir.

Really!

I'll try not to be too nervous. Nobody else around here thinks this is a big deal. But it is!

Meet my dad

His name is Dave. I carved him.























Distinguishing features: side part and glasses. Also, no ears. but the real Dave has ears.

fat

Today I told Seth he can't touch my stomach because it's lumpy.

"It's not lumpy," he said. "It's wavy."

Wavy! This is what everyone needs--a supportive husband.

Now he's off singing a song about how he needs a wife who cares about him and his "feelins" (feelings). The chorus is something about how it "don't even matter."

Good song, good song.

This was brought on by me telling him to go take a shower instead of showing me a clip from a football game where a ref tackles a quarterback.

Uh oh

The servings per container on the bag of the processed snack I'm about to finish says "about 3."

I guess I won't be licking the crumbs out of the corners of that one.

Today as I was walking back to my office after purchasing my snack, I didn't pass anyone I knew. Good. I didn't have to pretend to be interested in something going on on the other side of the street before approaching reasonable "hi"-saying distance.

What are you supposed to do in situations like that? Gaze into their eyes as the distance between you closes? NEVER!

done

I finished my Grisham book, just 9 days after it was due. AND

(spoiler alert)

The bad guy won! I did NOT see that one coming. But I think I'm done with John. He leaves no room for ambiguity in his writing. Characters are either angels or heartless maniacs. That's not intelligent storytelling.

Someday, I will write a book, and my villain will be conflicted. But first I have to think of a story idea.

Lessons From My Mother

Because of my mother, I love lemon heads.

I think my one-sentence posts are becoming a little overdone, so here's where I elaborate on the initial thought:

...

Okay, that's all I have to say on the topic. But I guess since I'm referencing a book by a now-famous politician, I could talk politics. Then again, in almost all situations, that's a bad idea. So here's a picture:
























There. Blog post done.

I hate

Styrofoam. There is nothing good about it.

I wish my landlord accepted American Express

Because then I would be paying $594 a month in rent instead of $600 (after the 1% cash back).

I wonder

Do my neighbors care that I sing "Circle of Life" at the top of my lungs in the morning?

Anneli's 25

One year closer to the grave,
think of all the food we'll save.

Happy birthday.

crack

Here are my coworker's thoughts when it comes to his 14-year-old son:

"Until you are out of college, I will assume that all your friends are smoking crack."

large print

As soon as the new John Grisham book came out in January, I put it on hold at the Boise Public Library! (that exclamation point comes to you courtesy the library! building itself):

As the months passed by and it still did not turn up on the hold shelf, I thought, man, that is a popular book. Then one day when checking out my position in the queue online, I noticed my mistake: I'd placed a copy of the large print version on hold. 

Only 2 copies to share among me and my 300 vision-impaired friends.

It finally came in mid-September, and as I read it I notice myself turning pages more often than usual. 

So, thoughts on John Grisham. He's a guilty pleasure of mine. Should I feel guilty? I think so. His villains are so evil and so predictable. and cliffhangers are blatant and overdramatic. But he can still write a great story. 

I read all his books in middle school and high school, and now, going back to him, I can't believe how hilariously, unabashedly leftist he is. Here is a passage from his book, the narrator narrating (not a direct quote, but the idea's there. and it's in large print, because that's how I'm used to seeing it):

His interlocutors went through issue after issue. Was he against abotion? Of course. Against all abortion? Yes. Supportive of the death penalty? Very much so.

They didn't seem to notice the contradiction.

Wow, John. Wow. Are you a Democrat? MAYBE. He just throws that in there. Along with the evil big corporations and Republican meddling in judicial selection and the "liberal" quest for truth and goodness. 

Some things make me LOLZ.

AHA!

lolz.
or lolz.

lolz?

A guy just wrote "lolz" to me in a twitter post. As in "laughing out loud" ...and then something with a "z." Or maybe just "lolz," no translation needed.

I have to say: I don't hate it.

Popsicles

My coworker dressed like a popsicle today.

(For those of you who don't know this either intuitively or otherwise, dressing like a popsicle means wearing the same color on top and on bottom.)

He was a light tan popsicle--perhaps latte-flavored. But I committed the ultimate popsicle error last week: I dressed like a poopsicle. There was no question what my flavor was.

I hope no one noticed.

Free things

Once when I was a freshman in college, my friends and I wrote a letter to the Olive Garden telling them how much we admired their commercials and informing them that we planned to hold our next meeting of the Italian Club there. (The club had nothing to do with eating Italian food and everything to do with yelling "heeeeeey! heeeeey!" like a big friendly Italian family when someone we knew walked into the Cannon Center.)

You know we got in response? A letter. BOO THAT.

So that's not a very impressive response from a rich corporation. But once I wrote to a gel pen company telling them about how I liked their pens and would like to be informed about new merchandise, and jackpot: they mailed me about 5 free pens. The gelly kind. the sparkly kind. This was back in high school, so I was overjoyed. Okay, I admit it, I'd still be overjoyed if I got them today.

My next goal is to win a free handbag. The silver one on the top row. It was a hard choice. If I don't win, I will cry. Just like I cry every time I don't win the free car in the mall.

The Curb

A few months ago my 13-year-old brother taught me how to ride up curbs on my bike. So on the way back to work from lunch, when the road was blocked off for a football game by a cement curb, I practiced my new skills by riding over it.

I called back to Seth, who was behind me on his bike, "Can you do that?"

He pulled up on his handlebars just like I did, but he was too early. His bike hit the curb wrong and he crashed on his side, hitting his face on the concrete.

"No," he said.

Later he accused me of laughing too hard at him, and I reminded him that he'd been laughing, too.

"That's because there was a guy there watching, so I couldn't just lie there and cry," he said.

So I laughed harder. Poor Seth.

An Ode to Home Run Pies

Oh, how I love you, even though I am a little embarrassed of you. 

I love you in much the same way that I love cheese whiz and Handi Snacks. 

You. Are. Delicious.