Breathing Right

Last night was my first night with a Breathe Right strip. And it did help me breathe right, but I felt like it was stretching out my nose. You be the judge.

Before

During

After

What do you think?

Thanks, bus!

The bus that runs along Broadway is alternating between 2 messages on its destination indicator.

"Broadway Avenue North"

and

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

What a great time of year!

Worst Christmas Songs Ever

I don't know which song I hate the most:

1. Do you hear what I hear?
"With a tail as big as a kite, with a tail as big as a kite."

2. The 12 Days of Christmas.
Beyond boring.

3. The one about the shoes the kid has to buy for his mom in case she meets Jesus tonight.
I may or may not secretly love this song.

What am I missing? A lot of people hate The Little Drummer Boy, but it doesn't make me want to scream like some others do.

Least hated Christmas song:
All I Want for Christmas is You.

Nom de Plume

If I had a nom de plume, I believe it would be Lani. Because you see Lani, and you say, "oh--Lahni." Whereas if you see Dani, you say "oh--Danny."

Last nom is still undecided. Any suggestions?

Dani

I am acquainted (professionally) with a guy who has almost certainly read How to Win Friends and Influence People, or at least read a summary of it, like I have.

Here is the rule he has taken very much to heart: "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."

Each time I talk to him, it goes like this:

"Dani, hello. Dani, how are you? I got your email, Dani. Dani, I think I can help you with that."

It's kind of fun. Not sure if I'm influenced or just amused. Maybe influenced.

Guest Accommodations

My dad told me that if I had a website promoting my guest accommodations, he would post a Satisfied Customer review. So here is a website:


You'll always remember your stay at....
THE GRIGGS' GUEST BEDROOM

Located in the beautiful and action-packed Boise, Idaho, The Griggs' Guest Bedroom is a comfortable and affordable place to stay. It includes amenities you won't find anywhere else, like Grandma's old bed and a bathroom shared with two other adults. And, right in your bedroom, you'll find a closet full of someone else's jackets, a bookcase full of someone else's books, a desktop computer and a sewing machine (thread included)! Your stay includes all-you-can-eat breakfast cereal, warm hugs upon arrival, and spirited conversation with the above-mentioned adults.

Photos

Grandma's bed:




















The view:



Cost per room per night: free!

Why I Hate "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"

Jeff Foxworthy: What is the highest 2-digit even number?
Rabbi: (looks serious.) Well, 99 is the highest 2-digit number, but it's odd, so if you go one step down, that's 98. So I'm going to lock in 98.
Jeff Foxworthy: The answer is 98! You make this look so easy!

Do you need another reason?

Jeff Foxworthy: What would you do with $25,000?
Rabbi: Well, I would buy a hybrid car, and take my family on a trip to Israel, and then maybe give a little back to the synagogue.

Taxes: $6,250.
Hybrid car: $20,000
Trip for 4 to Israel: $12,000
Total: $38,250

Amount left to to give back to the synagogue: -$13,250.

Thanks, rabbi.

Moles

From The Nice and the Good, by Iris Murdoch:

"A velvety brown mole on one cheek gave him a curious air of prettiness."

Really! Does the outside of my left knee have a curious air of prettiness as well, Iris?

Finishing a Conversation with a Man Named Ed

Me: Goodbye, El.
Ed: Goodbye.

mmm...bye.

I was just talking on the phone with some guy, and he's one of those that closes conversations with, "mmmm, bye."

So he started going into the "mmmm" but I wasn't done with my pleasantries. So I threw in some things like "thanks very much" and "I'll wait for that email" and "take care," and all the while he just kept "mmmm"-ing.

So it was like "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bye."

A small sample of a cooking show on public television

"Now we are going to add some Crème fraîche, which means fresh cream."

Crème fraîche: pronounced "Crem Fresh."

"Crem Fresh": means "Fresh Cream."

well! obviously!

Please Consider the Environment Before Leaving the Hair Thing that You Dropped on the Ground Right Where It Is

Monday I came back to work from lunch and saw a hair thing (hair elastic? hair circle?) on the sidewalk. I thought it looked like one I might wear. Then I realized it probably was mine. The day before I had looped a hair thing that looked just like that through a ring on my purse, and 24 hours was just about the amount of time it should have taken to come loose. Plus it was not on my purse anymore.

But I didn't want to bend down and look like a bum off the street who needed a free hair thing, so I kept walking.

It was still there when I went home that night. and when I came back the next morning. and when I went to lunch that day. and when I came back from lunch that day. and when I arrived this morning. and when I went to lunch today. and when I came back from lunch that day.

Why hasn't the wind blown this thing away?

MAYBE I will consider picking it up if it's still there tomorrow. MAYBE.



---


UPDATE: On Friday, December 5th, I picked up the hair thing.

Some Kids I Know

1. The No-Pants Kid. One day in church, I was making eyes at an adorable little boy wearing a collared shirt, a tie and a vest. He was smiling at me from the other side of the bench, and I could only see his oh-so-professional top half. Then his mom lifted him up, and WOW, no pants.

2. The Thumb Baby. He looks like a thumb. Seth loves that kid, I think he's hideous. But in a cute way.

3. The Spider Baby. Those arms and legs! So eerily long!

Sad Little Irish Girl

There were these kids. They were doing some Irish dancing. It was time for the spotlight of the two star dancers. They did their little dance, then pranced back behind the other dancers. While prancing, the one with red hair thudded ungracefully to the floor.

Now her face was also red. The audience pretended it didn't see. But then about a minute later, she fell again. This time the audience gasped and the other star dancer glared at her in horror. She got up, her arms still pinned to her sides. She danced on.

And then she fell again.

WHAT??

I was far enough in the back of the audience that I could laugh my head off without her noticing. Seth and I hoped she was a mean girl who needed to be taught a lesson. But if she was a nice girl--sad!

Dermatology

$300 later, and my skin is worse than ever!

Rahm Emanuel

Rahm Emanuel, you have my wholehearted support as next white house Chief of Staff by sole virtue of your name.

What a name! It fills my heart with melodic satisfaction.

Rahm Emanuel. I would give my first-born son that name, except he's already stuck with Grigg. Rahm Emanuel Grigg? Maybe.

Book Quote Game

Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now. I said the "nearest", not the one you think is the coolest, smartest, or most hip.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post your sentence in a comment here. Include the title of book and author.

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail

I love it when people have that line at the end of their email, under their signature. It makes me feel like I know a little something more about that person that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. Like, out of the blue, after an otherwise impersonal email, I suddenly see a little bit of a personal side.

It makes me think, "oh, that's nice. you are doing your part." and then I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I am seriously considering adding that line to the end of my emails. "Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail."

How nice.

Ingredients in a Jack in the Box Side Salad

1. Iceberg lettuce.
2. three cherry tomatoes.
3. two slices of cucumber.
4. shaved carrots.
5. grated cheddar cheese.
6. croutons.
7. dressing.
8. flimsy plastic fork.

The Most Shocking Target Experience Ever.

Sometimes going to Target can be surprising. Like when you tell your family it's Family "Wear Clothes That Don't Match" Day at Target, and then you show up and find out it's really not. (Please notice the fake hair attached to my ponytail.)




















There are also those times when you go and find out that they don't sell pipe cleaners. Or that a shiny new notebook with flowers on it is really only $1.05.

But then there are those Target trips that leave you reeling for days.

Look at me. Still reeling.

On Friday night, Seth and I followed up our Chinese dining experience with a trip to my favorite retail establishment to get Seth some shoelaces. I walked in, saw the glory that was the matching scarf-and-mitten sets and gigantic handbags, and thought: hey, what a great time to get some ideas for Christmas.

So I asked Seth to please point out everything that he would like to see under our Christmas tree this year, and he agreed. We proceeded to walk through the store, me pointing at everything in sight, saying "I WANT THAT. AND THAT. AND THAT." Man, there were shoes, dinner plates, skirts, kitchen appliances, napkins, pillows, tree ornaments, bouncy balls, vases, fake leaves, mirrors, picture frames, lamps, rolling pins, headbands, earrings.... you name it. Target has it. And it's cute.

And Seth? Nothing.

NOTHING.

Clothes? Nah. Wallets? Nope. Travel accessories? No. Kitchen gadgets? No. Video games? okay, he wants a wii. but not happening, sorry. Video games for the system he already has? No thank you. Trifle dishes? um. Potpourri? for girls. Toys? No. DVDs? No. Books? not going to be read. CDs? that's what iTunes is for.

Sure, he liked the ipod touch, but said he didn't really want it. He doesn't want to carry around both a smart phone and a smart mp3 player. too bulky.

So, here I am, one Target trip later, none the wiser about what to get stinkin Seth for Christmas.

I ask you: How is this possible?

So.

So, this is just to say: if you're starting conversations/blog posts with the word "so," I'm onto you.

"So I've been thinking about coloring my hair purple."
"So my uncle was recently arrested for murder."
"So I just wanted to mention that I recently secretly married a Portuguese model."

Yes. I get it. It sounds more casual. You are just WAITING to be interrupted with someone saying, "wait--WHAT??" and maybe laughing in disbelief at your debonair approach to the situation.

I'm not going to deny it: I do it all the time.

Also:

This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
























And:

This is Just to Say

I chopped down the house that you had been saving to live in
next summer.
I am sorry, but it was morning, and I had nothing to do
and its wooden beams were so inviting.

Words I Hear Almost Every Day

said in frustration:

"WHY am I writing this story??"

A View I Would Not Mind Waking Up To

But. I would prefer it if they would put some glass in the windows first.

I went on a tour of some construction projects today that won this year's Smart Growth awards (I wore a hard hat). Guess who else was there.

The one. The only. DON WIMBERLY!














Yes, he is just as nice as he looks. He even remembered my name half an hour after I gave it to him.

(For those of you who aren't paying enough attention to the Boise elite, Don Wimberly is Boise State Radio's best reporter. Great voice. Great mustache. Speaking of which.)

Cute

My coworker is so cute. As another coworker was sailing out the door, she called after him, "See you on the flip-flop!"

I like her.

Next:

I can't wait to see the America's first FINNISH-AMERICAN elected to the nation's highest office! ah, that will be the day.























p.s. a gas station owner in Detroit spent $70,000 to change the name of his gas station to OBAMA.

Fig Newtons

Serving size: 1 cookie.
Yeah right.

Which reminds me.

I hate how lightbulbs only burn out right when you flip the switch

It makes me feel like it's my fault.

A Name No One Would Mistake for a Boy's Name

Missy.

Some Things I Like About My Job

1. Having plenty of Post-Its.
2. Adding contacts to my Outlook account.
3. Adding new folders to my alphabetized hanging file system.

Another Really Good Idea

Have you ever thought of naming your child Goliath? I bet he wouldn't have to go by "Goliath L." or "Goliath R." or whatever.

Also, consider Lucifer. Or Safari.

Alfred Souza says:

"For a long, long time it had seemed to me that I was about to begin real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

Crap. I'm already in real life?

A Really Good Idea

When a friend told me she was getting married in the winter, I told her that instead of a wedding cake, she should have a really extravagant GINGERBREAD HOUSE/CASTLE. 

She thought I was joking. Or at least she pretended to think so. But this was over a year ago and I am still taken with my idea. I think I might take up the art of gingerstuff-making when I retire from my current career. 

Sorry! Scorecard

Seth: 5. Dani: 2.

WHY?

Christmas

I'm having the hardest time thinking of what to get Seth for Christmas. He is The Boy Who Wants Nothing, aka The Boy Who Only Wants a $10,000 Big Screen TV.

My second cousin posted this blog, which suggests going for "something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need."

So, keeping in mind our budget, I came up with this list:

Something to wear: a busted tee ($20).
Something to read: a book (undecided) ($20).
Something you want: beef jerky ($10).
Something you need: underwear, obviously ($10).

That adds up to $60. Since we're rich*, I would like to get him something more momentous. But not as momentous as the TV. So I'm a little bit stuck.

Any suggestions?

---
*I am a junior reporter for a small newspaper in Boise, Idaho--is there anything more lucrative than that?

The Big Day

Today is The Big Day when I get to go meet a local celebrity: Ms. Michelle Edmonds of Today's Channel 6 News. She won a philanthropy award that my newspaper gives out and I'm writing her profile.

I am wearing nylons for the occasion.

But I am still feeling a little intimidated. She's on TV! Every day! She's right up there with local meteorologist Larry Gebert, who, I was surprised to hear from a reliable source, is a jerk. But here is a quote from his web page: "(Larry) invites you to download a photo of him water skiing at Lucky Peak Reservoir to use as "Windows" wallpaper." and then there is a link to a photo of him water skiing at Lucky Peak Reservoir.

Really!

I'll try not to be too nervous. Nobody else around here thinks this is a big deal. But it is!

Meet my dad

His name is Dave. I carved him.























Distinguishing features: side part and glasses. Also, no ears. but the real Dave has ears.

fat

Today I told Seth he can't touch my stomach because it's lumpy.

"It's not lumpy," he said. "It's wavy."

Wavy! This is what everyone needs--a supportive husband.

Now he's off singing a song about how he needs a wife who cares about him and his "feelins" (feelings). The chorus is something about how it "don't even matter."

Good song, good song.

This was brought on by me telling him to go take a shower instead of showing me a clip from a football game where a ref tackles a quarterback.

Uh oh

The servings per container on the bag of the processed snack I'm about to finish says "about 3."

I guess I won't be licking the crumbs out of the corners of that one.

Today as I was walking back to my office after purchasing my snack, I didn't pass anyone I knew. Good. I didn't have to pretend to be interested in something going on on the other side of the street before approaching reasonable "hi"-saying distance.

What are you supposed to do in situations like that? Gaze into their eyes as the distance between you closes? NEVER!

done

I finished my Grisham book, just 9 days after it was due. AND

(spoiler alert)

The bad guy won! I did NOT see that one coming. But I think I'm done with John. He leaves no room for ambiguity in his writing. Characters are either angels or heartless maniacs. That's not intelligent storytelling.

Someday, I will write a book, and my villain will be conflicted. But first I have to think of a story idea.

Lessons From My Mother

Because of my mother, I love lemon heads.

I think my one-sentence posts are becoming a little overdone, so here's where I elaborate on the initial thought:

...

Okay, that's all I have to say on the topic. But I guess since I'm referencing a book by a now-famous politician, I could talk politics. Then again, in almost all situations, that's a bad idea. So here's a picture:
























There. Blog post done.

I hate

Styrofoam. There is nothing good about it.

I wish my landlord accepted American Express

Because then I would be paying $594 a month in rent instead of $600 (after the 1% cash back).

I wonder

Do my neighbors care that I sing "Circle of Life" at the top of my lungs in the morning?

Anneli's 25

One year closer to the grave,
think of all the food we'll save.

Happy birthday.

crack

Here are my coworker's thoughts when it comes to his 14-year-old son:

"Until you are out of college, I will assume that all your friends are smoking crack."

large print

As soon as the new John Grisham book came out in January, I put it on hold at the Boise Public Library! (that exclamation point comes to you courtesy the library! building itself):

As the months passed by and it still did not turn up on the hold shelf, I thought, man, that is a popular book. Then one day when checking out my position in the queue online, I noticed my mistake: I'd placed a copy of the large print version on hold. 

Only 2 copies to share among me and my 300 vision-impaired friends.

It finally came in mid-September, and as I read it I notice myself turning pages more often than usual. 

So, thoughts on John Grisham. He's a guilty pleasure of mine. Should I feel guilty? I think so. His villains are so evil and so predictable. and cliffhangers are blatant and overdramatic. But he can still write a great story. 

I read all his books in middle school and high school, and now, going back to him, I can't believe how hilariously, unabashedly leftist he is. Here is a passage from his book, the narrator narrating (not a direct quote, but the idea's there. and it's in large print, because that's how I'm used to seeing it):

His interlocutors went through issue after issue. Was he against abotion? Of course. Against all abortion? Yes. Supportive of the death penalty? Very much so.

They didn't seem to notice the contradiction.

Wow, John. Wow. Are you a Democrat? MAYBE. He just throws that in there. Along with the evil big corporations and Republican meddling in judicial selection and the "liberal" quest for truth and goodness. 

Some things make me LOLZ.

AHA!

lolz.
or lolz.

lolz?

A guy just wrote "lolz" to me in a twitter post. As in "laughing out loud" ...and then something with a "z." Or maybe just "lolz," no translation needed.

I have to say: I don't hate it.

Popsicles

My coworker dressed like a popsicle today.

(For those of you who don't know this either intuitively or otherwise, dressing like a popsicle means wearing the same color on top and on bottom.)

He was a light tan popsicle--perhaps latte-flavored. But I committed the ultimate popsicle error last week: I dressed like a poopsicle. There was no question what my flavor was.

I hope no one noticed.

Free things

Once when I was a freshman in college, my friends and I wrote a letter to the Olive Garden telling them how much we admired their commercials and informing them that we planned to hold our next meeting of the Italian Club there. (The club had nothing to do with eating Italian food and everything to do with yelling "heeeeeey! heeeeey!" like a big friendly Italian family when someone we knew walked into the Cannon Center.)

You know we got in response? A letter. BOO THAT.

So that's not a very impressive response from a rich corporation. But once I wrote to a gel pen company telling them about how I liked their pens and would like to be informed about new merchandise, and jackpot: they mailed me about 5 free pens. The gelly kind. the sparkly kind. This was back in high school, so I was overjoyed. Okay, I admit it, I'd still be overjoyed if I got them today.

My next goal is to win a free handbag. The silver one on the top row. It was a hard choice. If I don't win, I will cry. Just like I cry every time I don't win the free car in the mall.

The Curb

A few months ago my 13-year-old brother taught me how to ride up curbs on my bike. So on the way back to work from lunch, when the road was blocked off for a football game by a cement curb, I practiced my new skills by riding over it.

I called back to Seth, who was behind me on his bike, "Can you do that?"

He pulled up on his handlebars just like I did, but he was too early. His bike hit the curb wrong and he crashed on his side, hitting his face on the concrete.

"No," he said.

Later he accused me of laughing too hard at him, and I reminded him that he'd been laughing, too.

"That's because there was a guy there watching, so I couldn't just lie there and cry," he said.

So I laughed harder. Poor Seth.

An Ode to Home Run Pies

Oh, how I love you, even though I am a little embarrassed of you. 

I love you in much the same way that I love cheese whiz and Handi Snacks. 

You. Are. Delicious.

Biden

I was prepared to like Joe Biden (he and Obama make such a nice-looking pair). Then he started saying "literally."

Friday

It's Friday, aka Jeans-With-Heels day. So I'm wearing jeans with heels. The spiky sandal kind.

This morning I went out to tour a new house for a story I'm working on. In my jeans and heels. And good news: the ground is not landscaped. It's dirt and rocks. PERFECT. so i walk around getting dirt up my toes and stumbling all over the place, and here is what is going through the minds of the very nice, very rich, very down-to-earth people who live in the house: this girl is somewhat high maintenance.

NOOOOOOOO. I'm not! I wake up half an hour before I have to leave for work and never have time to blow-dry my hair! Not high maintenance!

Oh well, the idea is solidified in their minds and I'll never see them again.

thoughts on those bronze statues of children in shopping malls and other public places

I hate them.

Mosaic

I love this! I got the instructions and questions from Rachel.

Instructions:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into mosaic maker.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? Daniela
2. What is your favorite dessert? banana split
3. What high school did you go to? San Ramon
4. What is your favorite color? Red
5. Who is your celebrity crush? George Clooney
6. Favorite drink? hot chocolate
7. Dream vacation? pyramids
8. Favorite food? alfredo
9. What you want to be when you grow up? happy
10. What do you love most in life? family
11. One word to describe you. unsure
12. Your flickr name. danigrigg

:)

I'm not a smiley face person, and I'm not that into exclamation points either (in a professional context). I absolutely NEVER say or type "lol" or "hehe." Unless I'm making the point that I don't say or type them.

But sometimes, in an email or twitter response to someone I don't know too well, I feel like if I don't mirror his or her punctuation and symbol enthusiasm, they're going to think I have a bad attitude. So, I am known to throw in exclamation points (though never more than one at once), and occasionally you may see a smiley face make its way into my typing. That is, if you're a professional associate who uses such things liberally. 

For example:

This morning I typed a Twitter post: "disappointed to find my krispy kreme donut is filled with lemon instead of apple." 

A twitter friend who has been known to help me out with articles posted this in reply: "let's see, $780B bailout, war in Iraq, pres election, Larry Craig, wrong filling in Krispy Kreem donut, slow day at the IBR? :)"

So I said: "ha! okay, you're right. Thanks for the perspective."

and then I get a private message from the guy: "just fooling with you, ya' know (I hope)."

Of course I knew! I can recognize fooling when I see it (most of the time). I suspected that if I had thrown in a smiley face at the end (like he's so fond of doing), we would have been on the same page. 

So I responded: "yeah, I know. keep it coming. :)" 

Smiley face. Mission accomplished. Even though I cringed a little bit as I was typing it.

pants

I changed my clothes at lunch. I guess the first half of the day was enough to make me realize that my outfit sucked. Seth commented that people at work might think I pooped my pants.

NOTE TO PEOPLE AT WORK: I did not poop my pants.

Speaking of things that suck, yesterday in my primary lesson somebody mentioned getting your head chopped off, and I said, "yeah, that would--." and then I realized you can't say "suck" in primary, so I changed it last second to, "yeah, that would stink."

Good catch, Dani, good catch.

thoughts on sewing

I'm not good at it. Nobody would give me any money for what I do. They might ask ME to pay THEM if I tried to hem their pants or make them a stocking or a duvet cover.

I take a bit of pride in my ragged little projects. I show them to friends with a beam and say, "hey, look! I'm awful at sewing!" Their respect for me goes up a notch when they see my efforts, because does anybody really like the ultra-domestic perfect girl? No, but everybody likes the enthusiastic, ultra-domestic untalented girl.

At least that's what I suspect.

And yes, I'm a girl. Not a woman. And as I get older, I'll become a lady. still not a woman. So please don't refer to me behind my back as a woman.

What Kind of Girl I Am

I have decided: I am adventurous, but not in any way that requires talent.

Streaking

There is a pink streak on my wall. It looks like Kool-aid. I do not know where it came from. I blame the boys downstairs--they're drummers.